There might be enough pixie dust and happy thoughts in Neverland to generate enough magic to satisfy Peter Pan, the Lost Boys and their friends, but what about magic in the real world? And what if Captain Hook, Smee and the rest of the crew wanted a taste of the same thing?
It’s hard to do without happy thoughts, and why should only happy people get magic anyway? Sadness is a valid emotion and sad people should have magic, too, which is why the characters of Peter Pan’s world might enjoy a go at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Along with Harry Potter, they could thrive under the leadership of the Houses they would be sorted into while there.
Peter Pan: Slytherin
Peter Pan may laugh in the face of danger and have all of the qualities of a Gryffindor, but he also has the trademark qualities of a Slytherin. He only goes to Neverland in the first place so he doesn’t have to listen to others and grow up. He will only do exactly what he wants to do, no matter who he hurts.
Once Upon a Time’s Peter Pan is the clearest version of a Slytherin but every version of the character finds joy in others’ pain, whether it’s watching Wendy’s brothers struggle and nearly get destroyed during flight or smirking over Hook succumbing to yet another one of his devious plans. Tormenting Hook, in fact, is Peter’s favorite thing to do, which makes people question whether he’s all that heroic after all.
Wendy: Hufflepuff
Wendy Darling is an interesting character. In most situations, from Disney’s Peter Pan to J.M. Barrie’s book, Wendy isn’t all that brave or even adventurous, often falling to pieces in tears whether the situation calls for it or not. In her defense, she’s dealing with a lot, and as her brothers’ caregiver, she’s got a lot more pressure on her. She’s quite patient and caring for the people she loves, which are the best qualities of a Hufflepuff.
2003’s version of Peter Pan saw an updated version of Wendy that could only be described as a Gryffindor. That version of Wendy loves ghastly stories, adventure and sword-fighting, but she’s an exception to the rule.
Rufio: Gryffindor
Rufio is a Gryffindor in the major ways Peter Pan is not: the adventure, danger and excitement are what he craves. Whereas Pan enjoys humiliating Hook, Rufio is more about sticking it to authority in general and living in as much anarchy as possible. He’s a wild, tenacious leader who throws caution to the wind and doesn’t think about the big picture at all, making him the epitome of a Gryffindor.
Rufio might have a bit of Slytherin in him, given how he treats grown-up Peter, but he’s bound to be that way toward any grown-up who tries to infiltrate his Lost Boys not to mention grown-ups in general.
Michael: Hufflepuff
Wendy’s smallest brother Michael is just a little one, which means that he really isn’t old enough to fully sort into a Hogwarts House. His personality still has some development but as it stands, he would likely be sorted into Hufflepuff, where he would make good, loyal friends and learn how to be a great friend himself.
Michael enjoys a good adventure and once in a while, he has his moments of bravery, which means the Sorting Hat might have to decide between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor for the child but he doesn’t show any proclivities for Slytherin or Ravenclaw just yet.
Smee: Hufflepuff
Smee couldn’t be described as 100% loyal, but as far as pirates go, he’s as loyal as it gets, taking orders from Captain Hook so automatically that he even does it when Peter Pan impersonates the captain. Most versions of Smee don’t do a lot of their own reasoning and it’s easier to just trust what the captain wants as what’s best for everyone, even when it’s not and the captain berates his own second in command.
Hook is Smee’s family, which means he’s everything that is important in Smee’s life, aside from the normal pirate priorities like pillaging and fighting. As a Hufflepuff, Smee could empathize with those who might have a laid back nature but still take orders from the leaders they’re loyal to.
John: Ravenclaw
Logic and reason are the two things that John values most, which is why Neverland is so mind-boggling to him. If he attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, John would need the grounded nature of a Ravenclaw affiliation in order to make sense of it all.
Once John is able to make sense of the wizarding world, he would thrive under the leadership of Professor Flitwick and, like Hermione, become enamored with the Hogwarts library. John would enjoy living with other wizards who value intelligence and wit above all else while at school, and he’d probably question everything along the way.
Tink: Slytherin
Is there a more self-serving person in all of Neverland than Tinkerbell? In the animated Disney films, she’s got a different personality, and she’s made more sympathetic by actresses like Julia Roberts but even then she often has an ulterior motive of a Slytherin. Tink is bent on getting rid of Wendy, even if it destroys the child in the process because she is jealous of the Wendy-Bird and wants Peter to herself.
Tink’s also impressive in her resourcefulness and accomplishes quite a bit for a small fairy. She’s even double-crossed Peter in order to get what she wants, only to regret it later.
Tiger Lily: Gryffindor
Which Peter Pan character faces danger and certain doom without blinking an eye? Tiger Lily, of course. While Wendy’s tears are perfectly valid, Tiger Lily’s bravery is also something to be admired, even if she’s often made to be a caricature of an indigenous person.
In the book, when tied up and left for dead, Tiger Lily was described like this: “Yet her face was impassive; she was the daughter of a chief, she must die as a chief’s daughter, it is enough.” She’s proud, noble and brave, which would be great if she were given more layers as an actual character rather than a token one, but she’s definitely a Gryffindor.
Thud Butt: Hufflepuff
In the film Hook, Peter Pan leaves Thud Butt in charge upon his departure once Rufio’s been murdered in battle because he’s the most capable, authentic Lost Boy, loyal to both Peter as well as Neverland itself. If Peter had a Sword of Pan, it would definitely appear in Thud Butt’s hour of need.
Would Tootles, the twins, Latchboy, Ace, Slightly and the rest of the Lost Boys also end up in Hufflepuff? Probably not, but perhaps the Lost Boys would finally put an end to this inter-house conflict business and really unite the Hogwarts Houses after all. Then again, it might even get more competitive.
Hook: Slytherin
No matter which way you slice it, or whose hook you slice it with, Hook is and always will be a Slytherin. It doesn’t matter if it’s Jason Isaacs (who would already put Hook within the universe), Tom Hiddleston, Ian McShane, Christopher Walken, Colin O’Donoghue, Dustin Hoffman, Tim Curry or any of the many other talented faces and voices who’ve played the role over the years: Hook’s always going to look out for his own best interests.
Even when we’ve seen more sympathetic versions of Hook, like O’Donoghue’s in Once Upon a Time, commit selfless acts like selling the Jolly Roger to save the people he loves, most of the actions they take still stem from a purely selfish motive. Every version of Hook has incredibly cunning schemes to carry out as well.
